11:30 Dec 3rd Flying Back

I am currently flying 37,000 feet above the world. I am leaving the place I love and returning to the place I can’t weight to move away from. When it comes to my life right there is so many thing I need to think about. Tonight was the night that I found out that I am not ok with some things. When it comes to the person that I like, I don’t know if it is right or if a relationship will work. I don’t want them to have to change on my-behave and I need to stop lying to myself saying that I can live with it. When it comes to a relationship I want something that is going to fit, not just work. I want that person to be in love with who I am and I want to be in love with them just they way they are not what they can be. I JUST FEEL SO LOST! The other problem I have is with my EXs. Two of them are trying to get back together with me. This is partly my fault because when I broke up with one it was because I am moving away and now I am returning, the other is a problem because we are such a good fit BUT there are complications in the relationship. I did have fun tonight and I was REALLY happy to hang out with Joe and his friend Patrick. I can’t weight to move down to SD in the End of December, I AM GOING TO BE FINALLY HOME!!!!

Where Am I Going?

Am I ready for my life to change? That is the question that I have asked myself over and over these last few days. It seems my life is never still I am always changing myself, or who surrounds me. In less then a month I am going to be moving to Southern California once more. Hopefully this time is the last because San Diego is were I most feel at home. My goals are foremost to complete high school, then become a seasonal firefighter for CDF San Diego Unit, then go to a paramedic school. I don’t know what it is this last week, but I have this sense of anxiety that I am going to be changing everything about my life. Some of the changes will be for the better, some for the worst. I have fears of returning to my old high school because I have changed and matured but some of them have not. The best change that I have acquired by changing lives is that I am comfortable with being myself.

The test in life is not how far we go, but where we stand. Will we give in to selfishness and fear, or seek for others what we demand for ourselves: dignity and an equal chance?

Who We Have In Life

Who can you really rely on in this life? There are your friends, family and the one other significant person in you life. They are the only people that are there for you to fall back on when your world comes crashing down. On this thanksgiving day I have realized that I am thankful for my best friend Ethan and a semi functional family. As for the significant other, well we will see. I am looking forward to see what happens.

The human brain is the only object in the known universe that can predict its own future and tell its own fortune. The fact that we can make disastrous decisions even as we foresee their consequences is the great, unsolved mystery of human behavior. When you hold your fate in your hands, why would you ever make a fist?

What is Yet to Come

My senior year has been full of up and downs. I have learned to take life as it comes, and do my best at whatever is thrown my way. Though my journey I have made many new friends and received a amazing job as a Public Information Officer Assistant in CDF. My life is once more going to take a nether twist in the road of life. I am leaving all my beloved friends at Bear River and CDF Placer fire department to move to Southern California. There I am going to be coordinating Every Fifteen Minutes program and resume my position with station 26 in the Riverside county Fire Department. I am also making plans for College and life after. I am going to be officially moving back on December 26th, but I am going flying in to San Diego on December 1st through the 3rd. Southern California friends, I can't wait to hang out with you. Northern California friends I am going to miss you, but I am going to be coming up to visit my parents quite often so you have not seen the last of me.

Life is a school for angels. Love is the Teacher, so do your homework without fear. Death is merely graduation